So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
