mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
