I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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