Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
