hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
