In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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