I am puke
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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