I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
