so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
