Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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