I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
