Whod you bang
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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