Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
