Plan B is the new Plan A
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
