Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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