His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
