Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
