Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
