Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
