Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
