i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
