just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
