so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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