He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
