So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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