This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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