John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
