The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
