i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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