sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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