Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
