there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
