why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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