im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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