My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
