so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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