I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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