Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
