Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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