I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
