then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
