Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
