Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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