I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
