the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
