so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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