I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
