She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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