i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
