you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
