So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
