Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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